I have had to take a bit of a break in writing to get through some of these emotions. Not because they are not there but because I cant deal with them all at once. All right now. I'm sure many of you that have been through something difficult can relate. As much as you want life to slow down. To stop. To let you process and accept and learn and figure things out it doesn't. Every morning dishes need to be done, kids need to be feed, there is laundry and groceries and chores. There is kids to play with and books to read. There is work to attend to and a spouse who needs you to not be in the fetal position everyday when they get home. Life has continued like it does and I have had to push some of these feelings aside to continue to keep the good part of my life... Good.
There are a few different reasons why I switched blogs and made the other private. One of those reasons being my Dad. He knew about much that was going on in my life. Whether I wanted him to or not. But I wanted to try and control some of what he knew. I wanted to make sure the people who read our story wasn't going to give him everything. Which had been happening before. I wasn't trying to hide. I didn't feel I needed to protect myself or my family. but more it was my only way to feel some control over a relationship I very much felt no control over. Every time I thought, talked or imagined my Dad I was a 9 year old girl again and had no voice. So being able to not let him into every single part of my life was a way for me to hold control.
Anyway- I have not decided whether to go back to just 1 blog, keep both, I really don't know. I will keep blogging because this is my way to document our life. To record our everyday and now to keep family involved in our everyday when we live so far from them.
Until I figure out how or if I will merge my blogs I wanted to share some of the GOOD that is still very much in our life.
We were so lucky to celebrate her here in Washington with some of our amazing friends.
It ended up being an amazing party and one I will forever remember.