Q&A Answers

Thank you for your questions both here and through email!

Do you ever go back and read your blog posts and regret anything you have said?

This blog started out as a way to update about our life. Keep track of what we have done. It then turned into my journal. Something I treasure. I turn my blog into a book at the end of every year. This is something I will save forever. Something my children will be able to read and see the path we have walked. I don’t regret anything I have ever said. I might wish I had made different choices in life but not what I have said about it because those were my feelings. Those were my emotions and if I wouldn’t have been honest- I might not remember when I look back on those moments in life.

I have noticed that you are really transparent with your feelings. How do you decide what to share on your public blog and what not to share? I often want to write (On my blog) about some tough issues, but I fear that I will be judged and misunderstood. Any suggestions?

I honestly wish I could just have kept this blog up and not needed to get a second. I love sharing everything about my life and being very open and honest. The main reason I had to start a separate blog was because I was sharing A LOT of information about Tracker. I don’t mind who knows what about me and I try not to care about negative opinions others have with me. But when it came to Tracker. That’s a whole different story. I honestly couldn’t keep sharing so much of him so openly for his safety. I wanted to still blog about him because I don’t keep up on my scrapbooks or hand written journal very regularly and I didn’t want to forget anything about all these amazing stages of his life. Starting a separate blog has let me do that. I will start blogging here more often but not as much about Tracker.

I think you should only share what you are comfortable with. I have written several blog posts that I never posted. There is a whole different side to my life before getting married that I rarely talk about. It’s so hard to let people into your world because no matter who you are or what you do, someone is against you. It’s so silly and so unnecessary. I don’t understand it. I wish I knew who some of these people were and that I could really see into their world but honestly those are the people who would never share their life because they are not honest and genuine. Their world is not perfect and they are probably doing a lot of things they don’t like so they feel bad about themselves. That’s what I have to keep reminding myself when I get a nasty gram.

BUT I think if you are willing to let people into your life. Hear your story. You will meet some amazing people, you will relate and friends will be made. I have built relationships through this blog that ill have for a lifetime. I wouldn’t ever change that. I am all for putting it all out there and letting your blog be your therapy.

(Let me know about your blog because I would love to read)

My question may have been answered and/or on the blog but I've looked for posts related to your pregnancy with the 2nd baby and I can't find them. :( Also, are y'all LDS TOO?

I didn’t blog much about our second pregnancy. I did 1 post. That post was to express feelings that I needed to get out. That time in both Ryan’s life and mine was extremely difficult. We were going through a lot both with grieving Makenzie, going through an unplanned pregnancy where our second child was sick as well as some really bad things happening in our home life as well. That time was so hard. After I talked about our baby Gracie (which is what I still call her, even though we didn’t know if it was a boy or girl) and hearing the extremely hurtful comments and emails people left. I chose not to share anything more relating to that. People made assumptions, people made judgments. and what’s so sad is no one really knows or understands or has the entire story unless you are a select few. I will not give anyone the time of day to explain myself as to what happened. It was such a personal experience. Even more so than when Makenzie passed. Ryan and I were the ones in the middle of it and we have chosen to keep it that way.

We are not active LDS members. We both grew up in the church but have since left. We have strong beliefs in God and Jesus Christ and we live our life based on what we think is right and wrong. It has taken a while but we are both very comfortable in our spirituality. It might sound strange to some but our views are not exactly the same. There are several big things Ryan believes that I don’t and vise versa. But this is an area we are very respectful of the other person and would never push the other to believe or do something different.

Will you build a memorial close to your new home?

When I have told people this they think I am crazy but I have looked into the cost of moving Makenzie. and seriously it’s unbelievably expensive. We were told it would cost $10,000 just to open the grave. That is not moving her, buying a new plot and burying her again. Seriously its crazy. We won’t be building something here in Washington but we will have an area in our home that is for her. Her pictures, a few of her things and that way we can decorate it each holiday.

I was wondering how you decided who you would have on your new blog. Is it just family/close friends?

Email me if you want to read our new blog :)

livingformrw@hotmail.com

With you guys moving, is there anything you plan on doing to make up for not being able to visit her as often?

I will be sending items for my family to take to her all the time. We are so lucky that we have so many people who are willing and wanting to visit her and make sure her spot is taken care of. We will make it a point to always go back during her birthday and angel day as those are big days for me to be there.

This year we have to work Ryan’s time off work around everyone that has already scheduled it off so unfortunately we wont be there on her birthday (which I have shed several tears about) but we will be there 2 days later and we will have a birthday party and everything for her. We will for sure be back in December for her angel day though.

How do you make Trackers baby food?

I have received so many emails about making baby food. Honestly I don’t know what I am doing. I have read a couple books and I am just winging it. I started feeding him around 4 months. I wanted to wait longer but I was desperate. I was hoping that would help with his sleeping and not eating like a horse every hour. (It didn’t really help) but I didn’t start with the typical schedule. Rice/Oatmeal- Veggies- Fruit- etc.….

His first ever meal was oatmeal but I quickly started in on the most colorful food out there. Yams, red potatoes, squash, avocado… etc.. I wanted him to have as much variety as possible. I have used the crap out of that little mesh thing that you can stick whole pieces of food in. I use spices in everything. I don’t stay away from spicy or sour. But I do watch him close when I give him something new. So far he has not had any reactions. I haven’t given him anything with nuts, diary (other than Grandmas sneaking him ice cream) or red meat.

I had given him that Gerber juice but then read they shouldn’t have juice until age 2?! Errr.. I don’t really want to wait that long. I understand it’s because of the sugar so I decided to just make my own. It’s more of a super thin smoothie but it’s all fresh fruits or veggies and I don’t add anything but maybe a little water.

I have tried to steer away from giving him a bottle of milk when he is going to sleep. Of course I used to but recently was told it’s really bad for their teeth and ears. I had no idea. He will still fall asleep sometimes while getting a bottle but I try to give him water when I know he is going to sleep. But I also limit the amount of water he gets. Geesh. This all sounds so complicate but I promise its not. I honestly don’t have the time to make a big fuss when it comes to food. But I do my best to give him the best options and variety appropriate for him. I go off the Mums instinct more than anything. If I don’t feel right about it, I don’t do it.