what im loving

because of the other night.
i am making sure i keep moving.
and to keep moving. im not making a to do list. im not thinking about tomorrow. im not thinking about this weekend. im thinking about today. and for today- i created a happy list.
what makes me happy:

sleeping in an extra 15 minutes
not having a test in math like originally planned- i get an extra 4 days to study
treating myself to my most favorite coffee this morning
forgetting my phone at home and not caring because its crucial we have sometime apart
late night ice cream with my darling nieces and nephew

this morning was a dragging/couldn't get out of bed kind of morning.

but i did.
then i left work early to get my much needed tooth fixed.
and ill tell you the story of that.
because i feel like it.

end of january-ish i woke up and my back tooth ached! i couldn't eat or allow any liquid on it unless i wanted shooting pains up my jaw.
finally got into see a dentist a few days later and he said i cracked it in 3 places.
so i needed to get a crown.
scheduled that for his next available apt which was a week from them.
tooth hurt but tolerable.
went into get the crown and was told our new insurance doesn't cover major issues like that within their 12 month waiting period.... great... but what else am i going to do but get the thing fixed...
(although if we left it up to ryan he said to just pull the dang thing. whatever)
so i got my nice crown. it felt ok. didn't hurt too bad. and off to yellowstone we went.
while on our way home.
hello! the tooth started aching.
really bad.
it was off and on for a few days then it just took a horrid turn for the worse.
every second i was in pain unless i doped myself up on drugs.
never got better- only worse.
dentist finally said i needed a root canal.
grrr...
that was scheduled a week out.
in that week i just about pulled this tooth out myself.
it ached like i have never ached before.
more than one night i woke up screaming, running to the medicine cabinet and grabbing a handful of the first thing i saw. heating up the heating pad and crying myself back to sleep at 2am.
throughout the day i was popping ibuprofen, aleve or those old pills i was given after i gave birth to makenzie.
i was desperate.
it hurt.
so finally came the day of my root canal.
made my mom take me so i didn't have to go alone.
i had slight nerves but was so anxious to just get it fixed that i didn't really care.
i have never been to this endodontist. on the way there i told my mom he had one of those "hot doctor" names. (you know what im talking about) and i hopped he wasn't devilishly attractive.
i know im married- no need to care right- but i do. and i dont want some channing tatum look alike shoving his hands and face in my corroded mouth.
i get all set up. wait for the doc. and he plops down with his fancy clothes, fancy hair and bright blue eyes.
great.
yup.
he definitely had the "hot doctor" name for a reason.
i tried to stay calm and tell him about how im over dossing on old medication and that im in so much pain i feel like im popping a child out of my tooth (seriously, kinda feels the same)
he assures me things will get better and he will take gooood care of me and we will get things sorted out.
he lays me down.
and that's when i realize there is NO tv in this joint. are you kidding me. what am i going to distract myself with? so i started singing the random pandora mix i just listed to that morning in my head.
before i knew it, a giant tooth rest thing was shoved in one side, a "tooth coat" was put on my infected tooth and a bright light was shinning in my eyes. he whipped out that GIANT needle (promise those are bigger than an epidural) shoved it in my cheek, gum, tongue, and i think it reached the back of my neck at one point.
he wiggled it a bit trying to get allll the numbing liquid in there.
apparently 1 wanst enough for a root canal because he stuck me 4 more times!
holy hannah.
my lip felt bigger than my right foot. my tongue was flopping around with no control and i didn't start to feel the drool dripping from my mouth until it hit my chest.
so he drilled, pulled, pushed, and stretched my jaw to incredible lengths.
this went on for what felt like a year.
i promise i stayed strong. i wanted to cry but didn't.
about half way through i started to feel myself falling asleep!
serious. my eyes were heavy, my head was kind of moving a bit and i had to literally pinch my arm to stay awake. i never thought you could fall asleep with someone drilling your mouth off but i guess it can happen when you haven't been sleeping for almost a month now and you are currently so numb he could remove the lower part of your face completely and you wouldn't know. 
i had those really cool rayban sunglasses on so i wouldn't get pieces of my tooth lodged in my eye so i thought he might not notice my eyes getting really heavy and droopy. but then he started giggling, asking if i was okay and if i needed to sit up or something.
hmmm- embarrassing.
i couldn't talk, hello- i had 4 hands in my mouth, a bunch of tools as well as 2 giant things to prop my mouth open even bigger so i kinda said "eh uh" (meaning no)
well he finally got near the end.
by this time hot doctor wasn't so hot anymore. i really just wanted to shove my fist in his mouth and see how far open i could get his jaw. he was sweet and kept patting me on the arm asking if i was okay.
he warned me of all the possible side effects (which made me really want to put my fist in his mouth)
then he said i was done and to leave.
i sat up.
my ponytail was now a side pony.
my make up was officially smeared every which way.
and my lips and cheeks were so red and puffy from being spread open that i was worried if they would ever look the same again.
luckily my madre was there to take me home.
a few hundred dollars later.
we got home and i realized i locked myself out of the house.

its night time now. i made it inside. my mouth/tooth is aching reallly bad. and im sleepy.
off to bed i go.
and im happy.
because its thursday night.