AH. The whole world is against me

Okay so my dog tried to kill me! Yes she and I have been together alone for far to long apparently and she tried to take me out this morning. She loured me out of the house by trying to make me think she was tangled around the light post. As I get out of the house and walk to her she runs from one side to the other so I am aerating (sp Im not a speller so dont laugh at my lack of letters smashed together) the lawn in my heels trying to catch her. I finally free her of the light post and as I take one step to the house just getting my heels back on the cement, Harley takes off like she is in a race and her chain wraps around my ankles and my legs fly out from under me. I am all the sudden twisted on my back lying on the ground. As I lay there with my life flashing before my eyes wondering if ill make it out alive I realize my neighbors are standing outside and no one is asking to help me. At this point I figure it must be some conspiracy to rid of me and I think to myself that I better get inside to protect myself. I fumble and hobble inside and sit down on the floor and examine my wounds. My ankle is already purple and puffy and my spine hurts. I cant call in to work because without me lets face it- American Express would not be able to function. With all the bravery I can muster I tearfully limp to my car and drive to work thinking how close I came to it being my time to go this morning. I frantically called Ryan in hopes of his sweet heavenly angelic voice to enlighten me but to my dismay he failed to answer. I didn't hear from him until 4:20 PM! Yes I almost died of a heart attack as well. Today is just not my day and I think I need to rush home before any further damage is done to me. Again with the world against me I cant go home- I have to tough out 4 hours of school tonight- one class being a MATH test. WOW its really not my day and I have realize I must have done something to piss off the Gods of Carma because they are all against me today!