Tuesday, January 20, 2009

January 2009

January 2009 has come. A while back I wrote this is the month I am not looking forward to- Today is the day. I leave in 1 hour to head out to the point of the mountain to attend my fathers parole hearing. Its been 8 years he has been out there. I don't even know what my feelings are at this point. What do I want to have happen? Other than the letters I have been receiving over the last year or so I have had no contact with him. I don't feel scared just completely numb. I have been lost in my thoughts all morning. I have literally pushed this day out of my head until today. Realizing its finally here has almost made me pack my bags and run away. Today I don't feel like Kendra- married with a baby on the way in a wonderful life with amazing people surrounding me everyday. I feel like I'm 11.
I guess I cant keep living like that- My life need to be focused on something and someone else. I have a new little person coming into this world in a few short months and I cant keep being the child again. I will keep going today and I will get through it all- tomorrow is a new day and I am in a new life.

5 comments :

KDLOST said...

i don't know what you've been through but i pray for you wisdom, peace, and strength. God bless you...(((hugs)))!

Caitlin & Brinton said...

I don't know what you've been through either, but I hope your day ends in the best way possible.

Chanse and Janell said...

This must be hard for you Kendra, you are in my thoughts!

tara @ kidz said...

You are strong and you have been and will continue to be blessed because of that strength, come what may.

Rachel said...

take your own words to heart on your difficult journey. you sound like a smart and strong mama! You can get through this!

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