Monday, July 28, 2008
Ryan cant wait for hunting season to start. Just 3 more weeks and he will be down there every weekend through September. Then it will start to snow to much down there so he will be hunting the Wasatch front every weekend until Dec. I wont be able to go back down to the cabin this year since my schedule is already packed! Full time work, Full time School, Devlin and Teagan, Family Reunions and plenty more to keep me busy :) At least when Ryan goes down there I know that means lots of play dates with my sisters and friends. My family is already starting to plan my big 21 birthday party! 28 days!
(Harley got into the fireplace and somehow got 2 little black dots by her eyes. It looked pretty funny)
Friday, July 25, 2008
My Mom loves to get tickets for the Bees game every year and invites all who will want to come. Since she started my sister Kristianne and I have gone EVERY YEAR! We have a lot of fun watching the game, pigging out on snow cones and dippin dots, people watching and finally enjoying the fireworks. We had so much fun hanging out together- until the fireworks show when both Kristianne and I got a dumb ash fall into our eye ball! I swear I almost went blind. I was panicking. It was burning and I almost called 911! Okay Ryan thought I was getting a little out of hand but that's usually how I am.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
So here are some great pictures. My cowboys to the left some awesome bull riding above and this one guy was amazing with his horses and buffa-LO. They would do all these tricks just by his howls and cracking of his whip. They were turning in circes on his trailer and running one way or the other. It was awesome and he is a TRUE cowboy- AHH!
That's the way it goes right? What if someone does something really bad? What if they did something that has shaped the rest of your life for the bad? Do you still need to forgive those people? I started this blog just thinking ill put up some fun pictures and use it as a little journal (because I'm so bad at keeping one myself) I have seen some blogs that are very personal- when I have told some people to look at them since they inspire me and they come back with- why would they publish something like that? I started thinking wow- maybe I shouldn't write such personal things- who wants to hear that. Well if you don't want to hear it I'm going to tell it anyway simply because even if your not listening I am talking and it feels good to get it out. I need to talk and I need to find some kind of therapy in this world. I hate complaining and no matter what has or will ever happen in my life I don't ever want someone to feel sorry for me. Life happens for a reason and even if its a hard issue I believe it was suppose to happen to me. I will never say "Why Me." I thought years ago that I wanted to stare a little part of my story with others because when I was going through things I always wanted someone who could relate to me through all the trauma. Believe me I think I had it really well compared to what others have had to go through in life. I like to hear how people deal with their struggles and how they over come them because I really learn from that. So here I go, my blog will be my journal and a way to release my mind. I talk to other esp my amazing husband but sometimes I want to tell it to the world but not make others feel obligated to give me a response. If you don't like these kinds of blogs- don't read mine.
I got a letter today, its not the first time I have received a letter like this- actually I have received quite a few over the last few months. Ever since I am now an adult and the courts have removed the "no contact" order. The letters always have so much in it that I get sleepy after trying to interpret them. Not only because of poor word structure but because of the way he talks. A foreign language is the best way to describe it. Half the letter it leaves me sad, feeling guilty and missing. The other part leaves me angry, feelings of hate and confusion. You can only imagine the big block of information that is shoved into usually 3-4 pages. This particular letter first came with my married name on the envelope. You may not think anything of that however I never told him my married name. The last he knows me as, Kendra White. I have made a point to not let him know. Well the secrets out. The letters have always been sent to a different address not to my home. In the middle of the 3rd page of this letter he describes my little brother and his relationship. My anger is boiling. I don't like him talking about this perfect little person that was traumatized by the choices he made. Jonathan, who always dreamed of being just like him when he grew up but Jonathan soon all the sudden realized he would be nothing like him. I am very protective over Jonathan. The letter goes on- and he says the words that I don't want to hear- He wants pictures so he can have "just a hint" of my life.
All I can think is that this is my life now. For the most part he has not been in it since I was 13. Just a hint would mean giving him an image. He has the image of a little 13 year old girl who doesn't know what the hell is going on in this world. Now I'm an adult and stronger than he could imagine. This "just a hint" will give him everything I have been working to create for myself and leaving him out of.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
We went on a walk with Ryan's family last night. We had a lot of fun just being together. The weather was perfect and it was fun to see some of the animals! Harley and Addison I think had a great time just being outside! Addison was so excited to drink from a water bottle, she kept smiling and laughing.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I was 9 years old when my best friend/sister died. I can still feel the same pain I did the first time I found out. Since she died its rare that a day goes by that I don't think of her however over this past year she has been in my mind even more. I am at the age now that she was when she got in a car accident and lost her life. I think to myself if today was my last day would I have done the things I want to on this earth? Will my family and esp my husband know how much I truly love them? Those frustrated words I used with Ryan last night could be the last words he ever hears- Is that how I want to leave him?
Now I'm not saying ill be leaving anytime soon- believe me- I have so much more to learn and do before its my turn but I don't know when that will be. This blog that this wonderful family is doing keeps me so focused on how precious life is. I see how amazing these little children that come from God are. Every time one of my nieces or nephews has been born I cant help but have one of my first thoughts be that my sister was the last one to hold them before she gave them to us. I feel so close to her at those times. Some day when I am privileged enough to have my own children I don't know what I'm going to do when I get to hold my baby for the first time. I cant help but cry already thinking how special that is going to be.
I hope you can all check out this blog and see how life changing it is!
Monday, July 7, 2008
I want to first thank every troop out there for all the hard and dedicated work you all do for us everyday to keep our freedom. To give us a day like July 4Th to celebrate. I am lucky enough to have an amazing brother who diligently serves our country everyday and risks his life for everyone of us! I see his pictures and heard his words while in Iraq and cant believe how strong all those men and women are over there. Everywhere- Not just Iraq but every military base in the world! I have a few other close friends who also served and I'm speechless of the things they see and do on a daily basis. You are all truly angels. I cant find enough words to express how truly grateful I am for each and everyone of you! It really takes a hero to be a solider!
Thank You and I love you all!
My Allie got married to her high school sweetheart last Wednesday!
I was privileged enough to attend their wedding and reception.
All I have to say is I want to get married (to Ryan) again. It was so beautiful. I really was taken back how special and inmate the whole thing was. Allie was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Her dress was gorgeous and it looked perfect on her. Their little girl Emma was the cutest little thing. She did such a great job being the flower girl. They had a great line full of family and friends who all looked amazing to! The ceremony was short and perfect (just how I like it) they each said a little something to each other which almost make me fall over with emotion. Their words to each other were so sweet and amazing. I really cant get enough of how great their wedding went and I am so excited for them both. Derek was a great friend to me for many years! Oh we go way back with lots of laughs. Allie has been there for me since we were young little freshman. She has always been such a great friend and I cant imagine my life without these 2. I love you all so much and I wish you a lifetime of happiness!
Ahh I love Weddings. I could have one every weekend!